The Art of Rage From Jade's apoplectic fury on BB to trolley wars in Tesco's car park, we're living in angry times. It's not hard to see why: too much to do; too many people making demands; too much pressure to perform (and that's without TV cameras). The trouble is, as Jade discovered, that we're often the ones most hurt by our anger. Especially if we lose it at the wrong time in the wrong place.

Screaming down the phone at the so-called helpline you've called on premium rate will only result in an operator on the other side of the globe putting down the phone - and you having to wade through a zillion push-button options all over again. Shouting about the idiocy of the driver in front will only cause YOU to lose concentration and slam into the back of someone else's car.

Anger is important. And very often it's absolutely justified. If the cash machine in your local centre always has an ‘out or service' sign on it then someone's not doing their job. If some city centre jobsworth slaps a ticket on your car because the bumper is a smigeon beyond the white line, of course you're likely to curse in frustration.

But while expressing anger the moment you feel it can sometimes get results they're not always the results you intended. Often the target of your anger will react by getting angry back and then you're both in a horrible, emotional spiral. At other times, the immediacy of your anger, out of proportion to the situation, can upset, or even alter your relationship with the person you targeted (are you listening Jade?).

Our feelings are our early warning syst em s. They're there to tell us something is wrong so when you've calmed down you need to allow yourself time out to ask yourself:

• why you got angry;
• whether the thing that made you angry was the real cause or a symptom of something else in your life that urgently needs attention;
• and plan what you're going to do, say or change to prevent a future explosion.

First aid for feelings

But before you do any of that you need to channel your anger to prevent it harming you or anyone else, which is why it's useful to have some strategies up your sleeve for defusing your feelings – a bit like a lightening conductor.

Anger is a very physical em otion: think about the way it turns faces red, makes us shake and want to scream and lash out. So the most effective way of taking the sting out of it is to do something physical:

The write way : Grab a piece of paper and on it pour out all the fury and abuse you want to direct at whoever or whatever has made you angry. Give yourself four minutes. Use a big black or red felt pen with lots of capital letters and underlinings.

Don't censor

Don't explain

Don't justify

DO write as quickly as you can. And when you've finished, you can tear it into tiny pieces if you want.

Have a smashing time : Next time you're at a car boot sale spend a few ££s on a pile of old plates and mugs. There is nothing to beat the release that the sound of breaking china brings. Make sure you can hurl it safely: down the end of the garden, in the garage with the doors shut, even on the kitchen floor so long as everyone else in the house is tucked safely away. When your anger is spent grab the broom or dustpan and brush. Sweeping up is physical too, and almost as therapeutic as the china in the first place.

Power your way to peace: Go for a five minute power walk, slamming the door behind you. This is NOT the same as going for a walk to get your head clear (you can do that later)! Walk as though you are competing for an Olympic medal. Allow the anger to flow right through your arms and legs as you swing th em furiously from side to side, covering the ground in huge steps. If you're at work or home and can't get away then do a few laps of the building or march up and downstairs 20 times. Make sure you're taking every bit of you for this walk: your arms, legs, lungs, chest and your mind.

Sock it to your sock drawer: Every time you ladder a pair of stockings, or hole your socks, stuff th em into an old pillow case rather than throwing them away. You'll soon have loads – and a home-made punchbag that hurts a lot less than the ones the boxers use. You could hang it from a joist in the garage or garden shed. Or simply stuff it under the bed to be yanked out in an anger- em ergency. You can punch it, pummel it, scream at it until your arms ache; just don't forget to use it.