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Decisions, decisions Cineworld or the Odeon? Pizza Hut or Pizza
Express? If only all the decisions we have to make were so trivial – and came with a guarantee that the world won't end if we make the wrong choice. From what we eat, wear and watch to how we live, love and work, we have more choices than any generation before. Yet few of us are ever taught how to make good decisions. So
if you are facing one of those Decisions with a capital 'D' – a choice
about work, relationships, marriage, children, home, health, even
your principles – how can you increase the chances of making the
right one? |
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• On the horns of a dilemma : if you can, invest time in coming up with as many possible options or solutions as you can. Sometimes it's because we think we're only choosing between this and that that we get stuck. If you've only got two options, you're facing a dilemma. Three and more, and suddenly you've got a choice.
• Focus: the more we worry about a decision, the more variables and 'what ifs' we seem to load onto it until we lose sight of what the decision is. In amongst all the to-ing and fro-ing, there's usually one factor that's the most important. Concentrate on that: everything else is details.
• A stomach for decision-making? according to local estate agents, most of us invest 20 times as long searching out a new outfit as we do choosing the home we're going to spend the next two decades living in (10 minutes is the average viewing time). One of the reasons is because we're acting on our intuition. Gut feeling is a wonderful guide and to ignore it is to ask for trouble. At the same time, check you haven't disengaged your brain entirely.
• Inside story: it can be hard to connect with our intuition when the chatter going on in our heads is so incessant. When it gets to 3am and you realise your thoughts are chasing their own tails, try meditation: sit on your bed or a park bench and use a simple technique like counting your breaths to put your mind in idle. Left to itself, your inner wisdom may eventually tell you exactly what you need to know – important decisions can be discovered as well as made.
• Make believe: if you're really stuck pretend to yourself you've made the decision and act as if it's really happening. Over the next 24 hours monitor your feelings. Relief, peace..if it feels good, even if it's still scary, go ahead. Edginess, defensiveness, unease, are signals you need to test out another of your choices in the same way.
• Sober reflection: apparently the Persians dealt with difficult decisions by discussing them while they were drunk (you can see the same principle at work in town centres most Saturday nights), and then reviewing them in the cold light of the next day's hangover. If last night's 'brilliant idea' still looked good then they went ahead. The moral of the story is don't make serious decisions while under the influence - especially the influence of strong emotions such as anger, hurt, fear, depression or desperation.
• When is a problem a possibility: no matter how huge the decision seems, it is also an opportunity, a chance to shape your life and future. Often we come at the really difficult decisions with a mind set on damage limitation: what's going to hurt the least or is least likely to end in disaster? Remind yourself that every big decision is a chance to shape your life and make it a better fit for who you are. What are you trying to achieve through this choice: a better career, better relationship, better life? Think positive.
Finally, if you're really stuck, you can always flick a coin and remind yourself that, like celebrity marriages, decisions don't have to be for ever. It may not be easy to undo a wrong decision but, in the long run, it's easier and less painful than trying to live with one.
